


Endings and Beginnings

by Genie60



Series: Poldark Series 2- Dribs and Drabs [21]
Category: Poldark (TV 2015), Poldark - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Forgiveness, Marriage, Poldark AU, Regrets, S2 scene filler, Soulmates, Starting Over
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-05
Updated: 2017-03-05
Packaged: 2018-09-28 13:07:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,208
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10102193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Genie60/pseuds/Genie60
Summary: A bridge between my previous fics "The Token" and "Love and Devotion".  S2 Episode 10 scene filler before Ross and Demelza meet on the cliffs.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Some readers asked for something to fill that gap. Here it is. Pure speculation and wishful thinking.
> 
> As always I own nothing, Debbie and Winston are the keepers of these characters and story.

Ross hadn’t realized he had dozed off until he tried to change positions and felt a weight on his shoulder. Glancing over he saw the red hair of his wife, her eyes closed, her breathing slow and even. Looking down he saw that their hands were still linked and ever so gently lifted them to his mouth to place a kiss on her knuckles, his heart full of love for this woman.

Unsure of the time or how long they have been sitting there, he moved slowly to standup.  Not only because his body had stiffened but because he didn’t want to wake Demelza.  It had been a horrendously long day culminating in their almost ending their marriage, an event that was avoided for the moment. Flashes of what had transpired at Trenwith earlier that evening and later in their home flew through his mind; the standoff with George and his wife hesitantly coming home with him; the confession that the mistake he made in May was the kick he needed to see where his heart lay; the return of the brooch; and finally the start of a tenuous truce. Which led them to falling asleep on each other on the hard settle and yet, neither of them seemingly anxious to move somewhere more comfortable. 

Ross was able to slide out from beside her, keeping a steady hand on her body so she wouldn’t fall. Slipping his arms around her back and under her legs, he lifted her and proceeded to carry her to bed. Demelza didn’t wake but instinctually wrapped her arm around his neck and curled her head back into his shoulder.  As he passed the window Ross gazed at the sky and determining that it must have been the middle of the night, there were still a few hours of sleep left.  Reaching the door of their bedroom, he pushed it in with his foot and stepping down slowly, walked Demelza to the bed to lay her down as if she were still the child urchin he had brought home  He looked at her as she slept, her hair strewn about her on the pillow, her bandaged hand laying on her stomach. The sight of the bloody gauze again riled his anger that George would dare to shoot at his wife. _Well why wouldn’t he?_ Ross thought.  _He has no regard for any human. Not even his own family._   A fleeting image of Elizabeth standing at the window came into his head and a feeling of self-loathing returned.  Whenever he thought of that night and what he’d done, he felt sick to his stomach.  To counter that he gazed once more at his wife.  His wife.  He never thought that he’d have taken that phrase for granted until he almost lost the privilege of saying it.

Demelza wriggled on the bed, apparently trying to get comfortable and Ross sat down next to her.  Her eyes fluttered open and seeing his face, she smiled.  Ross saw traces of the tears she shed earlier and gently brushed his thumb against her cheeks to wipe them away.   Still half asleep, Demelza tried to speak, her voice barely a whisper.

“Ross? What are you doing?”

His hand was still on her face, not wanting to let go.  The warmth of her skin penetrated his hand and traveled through him.

“Nothing Demelza.  Just putting you to bed.  You fell asleep downstairs but I thought you’d be more comfortable in your own bed.”

“Our bed Ross,” she said quietly. 

He was taken aback by her statement and knew it was due to her sleepy state. She tried to sit up and untie the lacings on her jacket and corset but her wounded hand and lack of consciousness made things difficult.  Ross watched her struggle and intervened.  His hands moved hers aside as he pulled the lacings out and slipped the garments off her shoulders, leaving her in her shift.  The outline of her body was not lost to him and a familiar desire began to rise.  Demelza had not resisted his tending to her and as she lay back down lifted a foot, pointing her toe as if to tell him she wanted her shoes taken off as well. 

“I take it you would like your shoes removed too,” he asked.  He was amused and surprised at the ease in which she seemed to interact with him when just a few hours ago she was ready to flee. _It must be her exhaustion,_ Ross thought.

“Yes. And my stockings too, please,” she said.  She lay still on the coverlet, her arms crossed on her stomach, which pulled the shift down ever so slightly to reveal the soft swell of her breast.  Again Ross was distracted by the sight of his wife and forced himself to refocus his attentions to the task at hand.  He slipped off her shoes and then reaching under her skirts, untied the garters and tugged both them and the stockings down Demelza’s legs, reviving a memory of another night involving stockings.  He stood and taking all her discarded garments walked to the end of the bed, dropping them on the chest. When he turned around he saw Demelza again, sitting up and reaching behind her to undo her skirt and petticoats.

“Demelza, what are you doing?” he said with the slightest tinge of impatience.

“Ross, I can’t sleep in these. I know it’s raining outside but I’m feeling overheated. Please help me out of them,” she said as she stood on wobbly legs to rid herself of the layers of material.

He stepped over to her, grabbing her by the waist to steady her.  Her eyes were still half closed, her lids drooping so that he couldn’t see the blue of her irises.  Putting her arms on his shoulders to keep her balanced, he reached behind her and undid the waist ties of her skirt and petticoat and let them drop to the floor. Then, with one arm still holding her, he turned down the bed and gently laid her in it, pulling the covers up and over her body.  He bent over her and brushed the hair away from her face, his lips so close to hers that he was tempted to kiss her but did not.  They had not bridged that gap in their relationship yet which would allow him that right.  As he moved to sit by the fire, he felt her grasp his fingers.

“Thank you for taking care of me,” she whispered.

“Always my love,” he replied, his voice heavy with emotion.   

Raising her hand to his mouth, he kissed it again.  He settled into the chair by the fire and watched her fall back asleep until his eyes also closed. His last thought was that maybe, just maybe, they could overcome his idiocy and her hurt, and rebuild the life they had made.

****~~~~****

Demelza’s eyes opened slowly, her head aching and her arm throbbing.  She pulled the covers tighter around her body trying to get warm as the fire died during the night. Looking around the room with its familiar surroundings the previous day’s events came back to her in bits and pieces. She remembered going to see Elizabeth and deciding as she spoke to her to leave Ross. Then as she walked home one of George’s henchmen took a shot and grazed her arm, barely missing doing serious damage or worse. After that the villagers taking torches to Trenwith, Ross arriving with guns in hand to defuse the situation and make a plea to her for another chance; her determination that she would still leave after she saw him look back at his old homestead and gaze at the woman who, in Demelza’s eyes had destroyed her faith and her marriage.  She was packing when Ross finally, after months of silence, spoke the truth that was in his heart and she believed him. Demelza saw the pain and regret in his eyes as he tried to explain his reasoning of that fateful spring night and how it changed him.  Then when she decided to stay for the time being at least, he presented her with the brooch he had given her early in their marriage, which they were forced to sell when they were in dire straits. That was when she sought him out and saw again that he was in pain as well. Perhaps not the same as hers for Demelza was sure no one could understand the hurt that she was going through but it was clearly as deep for it was the first time since Julia’s death that she had seen Ross cry.

They had leaned against each other that night both literally and figuratively. Then she vaguely remembered Ross carrying her upstairs and putting her to bed.  Looking down at what she was wearing she saw that he had removed her clothes leaving her in her shift. And she remembered him kissing her hand.  Demelza turned over and saw her husband asleep in the fireside chair, his arms wrapped around himself, his head of dark curls tucked into the corner of the wingback. A feeling of warmth ran through her body as she realized that while she didn’t very much like Ross Poldark at the moment, she did still love him. Damn it.  The man had taken possession of her body and soul almost from the day they met and as hard as she tried to break the bond, it would not fray.

Sliding across the bed to the side opposite from where Ross slept, she rose and dressed as quietly as possible careful not to wake him.  Looking in the mirror she fiddled with her hair as best she could when her eyes caught sight of the box containing her brooch. Her fingers skimmed the embossed lettering on the leather case as her mind drifted back to the first time she opened it, at the Warleggan Ball and then again last night, when Ross handed it to her himself. He had said it was a token of his love and devotion but in truth to her it was a sign that he was willing to fight for her; for them.

The sun was totally risen and she knew Jeremy would be up soon so Demelza headed for the door, anxious to see her son.  Stopping as she opened it, she turned and gazed at Ross once more before leaving.  It amazed her how much their son looked like him. Even if she had left last night, she would never be free of her husband because Jeremy would be her daily reminder of him and the love that created him. Demelza walked back to the chest at the end of the bed and taking up a small blanket gently draped it over Ross to combat the cold. Being so close to him she was tempted to lean over and give him a kiss but stopped herself.  Demelza was not yet going to allow herself to show him the affection she so desperately wanted to until she was sure his return was permanent and sincere. 

Moving away from Ross, Demelza exited the room quickly and closed the door behind her. Taking a few steps down the hall, she entered Jeremy’s room and saw her son sitting up in bed, waiting for her. Demelza quickly changed and dressed him and then took him down for breakfast.  Prudie’s eyes widened as she was sure her mistress had left last night never to be heard from again. 

“You still be here?” she said the surprise in obvious in her voice.

“Yes Prudie it do appear so,” Demelza said a smile gracing her face. 

“Aye.  Do you want me to help you change the bandage on your arm?”

Demelza had forgotten about her wound as her mind was preoccupied with other emotions and feelings. She looked at her arm now and saw the gauze was soaked through and dried, sticking to her skin.  The gauze needed changing but as she did yesterday, she would manage.

“You take care of Jeremy, Prudie.  I can manage,” she said.

Setting Jeremy down in the kitchen she took a quick sip of tea and a bite of some bread as she walked towards the back door.

“Where you be goin’ maid?” Prudie asked. 

“I’ll clean this scratch and then I’ll be going to get some fresh air.  Mister Ross is upstairs sleeping. Don’t disturb him.  Can you see Jeremy has his breakfast?” 

Demelza’s tone was quick and matter of fact. She didn’t explain why Ross did not sleep in the library last night but was sure Prudie would make her own assumptions. She grabbed a sheet of material from the rack and walked outside to the pump.  Sitting on the edge of the trough, she carefully untied the linen and pulled it away from her skin.  Luckily the wound had started to scab and the gauze did not adhere to it as she was afraid.  Pumping the well, she wet the material and cleaned her arm, gently swabbing the area. Taking a fresh piece of gauze, she wrapped it around her arm, tying it loosely at her wrist.  Finding a bin of trash, she discarded the old bandage and proceeded to walk around the yard, the after effects of the rain storm last night lingering.  She could smell her garden coming to life and as she walked through the patches of flowers, she surveyed any damage, glad to see that almost everything was intact.  Only the lilac bush that Ross’s mother had planted seemed a little worse for wear, with a flurry of buds on the ground blanketing the soil around the trunk. As she was about to pass through the gate she saw Jud coming out of the barn. Remembering something she forgot to do last night she went over to the servant and gave him instructions to take care of it for her. Then she passed through the gate and walked towards the cliffs, tilting her face up to the sun, letting the light wash over her and in essence washes away the darkness of the day before.

Reaching the cliffs, Demelza looked out at sea and saw the fleet heading to war.  Dwight most likely was on one of those ships and if Ross had thought differently, he would be leaving as well.  Instead, for whatever reason, for they still hadn’t discussed what changed his mind, he came back for her and for their marriage.  Demelza couldn’t deny that his actions had an effect on her.  She stood on the precipice thinking over everything she still wanted to say to him and everything she wanted to hear from him as well when she heard the crunch of rocks behind her. Turning slowly she saw Ross coming towards her. It seemed the time to decide their fate started now.

****~~~~****

Ross felt the chill in the room and shivered, tugging the blanket closer to his chest.  It took him a moment to realize that he was covered since he knew he didn’t fall asleep that way.  Awake now he looked down and saw that someone had thrown a blanket on him. Taking another moment, he looked to the bed and saw Demelza was gone. Panic hit him thinking that she had decided to leave him anyway so he jumped up and bounded for the door when it opened up to reveal a grumbling Jud, carrying the cases that were in the hallway last night.

“Jud?  Where is your mistress?” he asked trying not to sound anxious.

“Don’ know. Only thing is she told me to bring these back up here,” he said. “Don’t know where she got to.”

Ross breathed a slight sigh of relief knowing that she hadn’t taken her bags wherever she went.  Walking to Jeremy’s room he saw that the bed was empty but upon further listening heard his son’s voice coming from downstairs. Again, another exhalation of relief knowing the Jeremy was still home which meant that Demelza was somewhere about and that she hadn’t woken up this morning still set on leaving him. This gave Ross hope that they could talk some more and work towards a reconciliation.  He had seen the look in her eyes and felt her warm to him which led him to believe that this break in his marriage could be repaired.  Ross knew that it would take much care and consideration for Demelza welcome him back as her husband and he was also unsure that the trust they had shared throughout their marriage would ever be completely repaired.

Bounding down the stairs, Ross entered the kitchen and saw Prudie feeding young Jeremy.  Upon seeing his father, the little boy held his arms out to him.  Ross could do nothing by smile, grateful that his son was still here and that he had a chance to right the wrong he’d done by giving more love and attention to Elizabeth’s son than to his own offspring.  Reaching for him, Ross lifted him up and hugged him to his chest.  Jeremy grabbed Ross’s hair and tugged before breaking into a fit of laughter. Ross kissed his head and closed eyes, thinking that this too could have been gone this morning.  _What a fool I’ve been these past months,_ he thought.

“Where’s Demelza?” he asked Prudie.

The servant looked at her master with a sideways glance as if to say “what are you going to do now?”

“She said she was going for a walk to get some air,” she huffed out. “What did ‘ee do to her now?  Or did ‘ee sweet talk your way back into her bed?” 

Prudie was not holding back her obvious contempt for her master and the torment he put the young maid through.

“If I wanted your opinion, I’d ask for it.  Now see to Jeremy and start on the chores your mistress usually does.  I don’t want her working that injured arm today, is that clear?”

 For the first time in many months Ross’s tone was firm and in control.  He knew that his home was the most important thing in his life.  Now the goal was to make his wife believe and see it.  Giving another kiss to Jeremy and final look to Prudie, he strode out of the kitchen through the yard. Passing under the clothes line he had a flash of memory of Demelza’s reaction to his return the morning after his ride to Trenwith.  Realizing now that she was beyond justified in her actions, Ross needed to find her so that they could clear the air and start fresh.

Ross stopped for a moment just outside the gate to see which path Demelza might have taken.  He thought for a moment and then knew where he would find her.  Walking across his property, he plodded through the fields towards the sea.  As he made his way through the overgrown hay and cornflowers, another memory formed in his mind: that of the morning after his first night with Demelza. It was when he had punished his body for taking hers by working the fields until the pain overtook the guilt of sealing Jim’s fate as well as the realization that his feelings were changing towards this urchin he had saved and raised.

As he walked he let his hand graze the top of the cornflowers that grew wild, another reminder of Demelza.  She had walked into the parlor the morning after their encounter, looking as free and unfettered as the flowers she held in her hand.  Her hair had wisps of grass tangled in it, her cheeks were pink and her eyes shone brightly.  He remembered not being able to look at her too long for the memory of her underneath him the night before, when she gave him all of herself and he took it without hesitation made him blush.  He was sure Elizabeth had seen the change in their deportment and he was embarrassed.  Not for what had transpired between him and Demelza but because he couldn’t keep his emotions in check.  Part of him wanted Elizabeth to leave so that he could take Demelza aside and talk to her.  He never got that chance because she fled.  Just as she was about to do last night.  Just as he thought she was about to do this morning.

Reaching the pinnacle of the cliff he saw her red hair blowing in the wind and was surprised she went out without a wrap of any kind.  He knew Demelza was tough but didn’t need her getting sick after all she’d been through.  He slowly made his way towards her, moving quietly so as not to startle her and yet she must have sensed his presence for she turned towards him just as he reached her. Ross gently pulled her to him, his hand automatically going to her face, brushing the curls away from her eyes, his forehead touching hers.   His thumb caressed her cheek and for the first time in a long time, Demelza tilted her head up to his, offering her lips for a gentle kiss.  Ross complied, his mouth barely touching hers as if she were breakable.  He kissed her again, this time it was just a whisper but meant so much more; it was the beginning of a trust being rebuilt between them.  He then kissed her forehead as he had done so many times in the past when he wanted to show her how precious she was to him;  after Julia was born and when he was about to risk their livelihood for the mine after the Daniel’s wedding.  Both kisses of reverence.  And now here he was again, trying to relay to her that nothing could match her importance in his life. 

****~~~~****

Demelza looked at her husband’s face and saw regret, sorrow and perhaps even fear.  Did he finally realize all that he had put in jeopardy with his antics of May?  Did he know the depth of despair his one night with Elizabeth caused her?  Or the pain that reached the core of her soul making her doubt everything they had shared? Looking into his eyes she could see that maybe he did know. Still, there was a great deal of trepidation within her about where his heart and head lie so that she held back from falling into his arms, much as she wanted to.  As she lifted her face to his and felt his lips on hers, she felt her heart warm ever so slightly.  Then when he kissed her forehead, an action he’d done so often in the past, she believed that his words of last night were genuine, yet she still couldn’t just let him back into her heart without some sort of explanation or confirmation that Elizabeth was truly out of their lives for good. 

As they stood on the cliff, watching the fleet depart, Ross held Demelza against his chest, his lips against her hair, inhaling and exhaling the life that flowed between them.  There was a tenuous truce formed and both knew that it could easily break if they were not careful.  The minutes passed and Ross felt Demelza shiver as he pulled her tighter against his chest, trying to get what little bit of his coat he could wrapped around her. Her hands grasped at his waist, holding tight.

“Demelza, you’re shivering.  Let’s go home,” Ross said quietly.

He turned to walk back home, taking her under his arm when she stopped him. Ignoring the cold for the moment, Demelza looked up at him, her hands still clinging to his coat.

“Ross?” she started. 

“Yes.”

“Before I, or we, can slip back into our old ways, I think we still need to talk.  I know you said you came to a realization after….after that night.  And I’m glad.  But what about your trust in me?  Do you still have doubts?  Do you still believe that I offered myself to McNeil?  Or anyone else for that matter?”

Demelza’s demeanor was not one of penitent or accuser.  She just wanted to know on what level they were to re-start this marriage on.

“I agree that we need to talk Demelza. There is so much I need to say to you; so much I need you to know and try to understand. So much I want to hear from you as well. However, I would prefer to do this in the comfort of our house. So can we please go home and get warm? And then we can see where our discussion takes us,” he said.

She nodded in agreement and began to walk when she felt his hand take hers. 

“But know this Demelza,” he said firmly, “What I said last night was the truth.  You are my one, true, real and abiding love.” 

Ross linked their fingers as his pinky wrapped around her little finger and proceeded to guide her home. Demelza looked down at their entwined hands and thought how their lives had seemingly woven back together again. But was she ready for the complete leap of faith?  Perhaps it would depend on what Ross told her when they got home.

**Author's Note:**

> Just a little something to keep faithful readers content while I work on the next chapters of "Trying..." and "Rockaway...." 
> 
> Thank you all for your continued interest and support of my writing. It's appreciated more than you know.


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